Why People Get Stuck in Chronic Pain When Life Stress Is High
(And What Actually Allows Healing)
By Ralph Havens, PT, IMTC
Dec 19, 2025
Why Pain Gets Worse When Life Gets Hard
People who live full, driven, caring lives are often exceptional at endurance.
You can tolerate discomfort.
You can override signals.
You can “just get through it.”
Until the body says no.
During high-pressure seasons—like the holidays—this pattern becomes more visible:
- Chronic pain flares
- Old injuries resurface
- Anxiety increases
- Sleep and recovery drop
- Emotional tolerance shrinks
This isn’t coincidence.
Your nervous system does not separate physical, emotional, relational, or existential stress.
It all registers as load.
And when the load exceeds the system’s capacity, the body adapts.
Not by breaking.
By protecting.
Pain Is Protection, Not Failure
Most chronic pain is no longer about damaged tissue.
It’s about a system that doesn’t feel safe enough to let go.
When safety drops:
- Guarding replaces flow
- Bracing replaces elasticity
- Tension replaces coordination
- Pain becomes communication
Pain is not the enemy.
Pain is the body saying, “Something here is too much right now.”
The Shift That Changes Everything
For years, I believed healing came from:
- Explaining better
- Fixing faster
- Understanding more
What decades as a physical therapist and healer have taught me instead is this:
Systems reorganize through presence more than effort.
Bodies heal when they feel safe.
People soften when they feel met.
Change happens when pressure is removed.
Healing begins when we stop asking:
“What’s wrong with me?”
And start asking:
“What does my system need to feel safe again?”
The Presence Filter I Use
Especially during high-stress seasons, I use this simple internal pause before speaking, pushing, or intervening:
- Is it true?
- Is it useful or needed?
- Is it kind to my body right now?
- Is this a love note—or am I dropping a bag of dog poop on my nervous system?
- Am I aware of presence?
This pause alone can change:
- How the body responds
- How pain behaves
- How relationships feel
- How healing unfolds
When internal pressure drops, something shifts.
Breath deepens.
Tissue softens.
Pain loses its job.
Chronic Pain and Inner Pain Are Not Separate
Your nervous system does not distinguish between:
- Physical threat
- Emotional threat
- Relational threat
It only asks one question:
“Am I safe?”
When presence returns, the system settles.
When the system settles, healing begins.
This is not about doing less carelessly.
It’s about doing less violently to yourself.
You Don’t Need to Quit Your Life to Heal
You don’t need to quit.
You don’t need to push.
And you don’t need to figure this out alone.
Most chronic pain conditions are no longer mechanical problems.
They are protective patterns.
Healing happens when the nervous system feels safe enough to release.
Ways to Work With Me
1-on-1 Healing Sessions
For people dealing with:
- Chronic pain or injuries
- Autoimmune or inflammatory conditions
- Recurring flare-ups
- Nervous system overload
- Pain that doesn’t match imaging or logic
This work focuses on restoring internal safety so healing can happen—without forcing, pushing, or bypassing your experience.
Atomic Success Secrets (Daily Group Healing)
Short, potent sessions Monday–Friday where we:
- Calm the nervous system
- Clear subconscious bracing
- Restore internal flow
- Support healing in body and life
Join Atomic Success Secrets here
If the holidays are stirring things up for you, that doesn’t mean you’re broken.
It may mean your system is finally ready for something gentler—and more effective.
This work meets you where you are.
Body. Nervous system. Life.
Ralph Havens, PT, IMTC
Physical Therapist & Integrative Healing Practitioner
https://ralphhavens.com/
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