So today at the Masters of the Journey

I was walking the labyrinth.  Driving over for the potluck I was thinking about stuff.  What am I really.  I’ve been dealing with the loss of my good friend and father in-law the past few weeks.  I still can’t believe he’s gone and while I tend to have a belief that there’s always a good reason and I don’t see the bigger perspective and I’ll see miracles in this as time goes by…..

I thought about how many people are in graveyards who; left early; ,,,,,,,

So I was thinking, “what am I really?”.

And I thought about it again while I was waking the labyrinth.  And I was thinking how silly this spiritual thing is sometimes.  But I was doing this labyrinth with a group and they were all into it.  And I kept feeling this resistance, like a headwind as I walked to the center of the labyrinth.  And I kept trying to rush through it but there were people in front of me….

So as I was going along, I thought again, “what am I?”.

Ok, I’m not my legs, because they could be cut off and I’d still be me.

I’m not my arms, same reason.

I’m not even my heart or lungs because there is such a thing as a heart / lung transplant.  So even with someone else’s heart and lungs I’d still be me.

So maybe the brain. But you can lose large parts of the brain and still be you.  And when I die, the brain will still be there but I won’t…

so I’m not my brain.

So I thought what makes me, me?

The breath.  So I thought, “am I the breath?”.

But what’s in the breath is different with each breath.  So I’m not the breath.

Am I the breather??????  who is it or what is it that is breathing?

Am I that?

I know it’s been said, “I am That”  but really, I mean, you could cut down a tree and kill it and I’d still be me.  So in some sense I’m not the tree.

Am I the breather?????

And as I was returning out of the labyrinth, I saw all those who had gone before me from our group all standing outside the labyrinth.  It just looked like they were on the other side…

you know the other side of death side.

They were all standing there and they looked like they weren’t judging and simply waiting for  me to join them.

If I had all I wanted; the money, the health, the relationships, the fun life, the family that I wanted what might I feel?  I thought of this on the way over this morning.

And I thought, I’d be happy, at peace, safe, joyful, couldn’t wipe the smile off my face happy.

And I thought, can I be that now?

I thought, “yeah I could feel that”.  ” I think I’ll go ahead and feel that today”.

I’m not sure what I am, but it might have something to do with the one who is breathing.

Or something entirely else.

my experience today,

Ralph Havens

*

All I know is that I love these guys!

Jen and Ben Havens

oh yeah and me too!

Ralph, Jen and Ben Havens, June 2013

Ralph, Jen and Ben Havens, June 2013

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